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essay
Okay, I admit... this is getting a little old. Either I have to stop doing it altogether or find myself some new sources.
What I'm talking about is gathering astute commentary from our televised comedy newsmen and presenting it here, unedited, so they might unknowingly expand the parameters of Perfect World philosophy.
I've done it before in this blog, and while I try to remain original with my own material, some of the shit said by others just makes me LAUGH. Plus, they exemplify my point. Today's wise words are no different. Once again uttered by Bill Maher on Real Time, this time he shines the comedy spotlight on our society by comparing us to one of our fallen superstars:
Michael Jackson [died last week]... the most famous white lady since Princess Diana. And one question gnawed at me the whole time [I was on vacation]... why, why, why did America lose its collective shit over Michael Jackson? And then, like Michael's father Joe, it hit me... Michael Jackson IS America!
We love him so much because he reflects our nation perfectly. Fragile, overindulgent, childish, in debt, on drugs and over the hill. Now let me state clearly, I don't wish my country was all of these bad things. I just don't want to be like one of those people Michael Jackson had around him. the ones who just tell you you're great and that your destructive behavior is totally normal, and they give you whatever you want... you know, doctors.
So let's go down the list and see if I'm crazy, or if indeed America is unfortunately all of the things Michael Jackson was:
Is America fragile? Well what do you think would happen if there was another terrorist attack here? I'll tell you what would happen-- we'd repeal the rest of the Bill Of Rights, forget about health care, elect Toby Keith president, and fire ME again! Are we fragile? The stock ticker in Times Square yesterday said "What the fuck are YOU looking at?"
Overindulgent? I defy anyone to watch ten minutes of My Super Sweet Sixteen on MTV and not want to strap on a vest and blow up that little snot's birthday party!Did you know that a third of CHILDREN in America are overweight? Michael Jackson didn't have a heart attack-- his playdate rolled over on him!
Childish? Well, we think Harry Potter is literature and Batman movies are profound meditations on the human condition. Our morning coffee has become a milkshake with whipped cream, and 64% of the people believe Noah's ark actually happened. And what could be more childish than what our news media chooses to cover? My God, since this Michael Jackson thing happened I have no idea what's going on with Jon and Kate!
In debt? Please! Please, this week the deficit-- that's just what we run up for the year-- went over one trillion dollars. To give you an idea of how much that is, take what your home is now worth, and add one trillion dollars.
On drugs? If you don't think America has got a drug problem, you must be high. Children are on Prozac. Athletes are on steroids. The pharmaceutical industry sold 291 billion dollars worth of pills last year. Mostly to Michael Jackson, okay, but still... and that's not counting the potheads and the drinkers. Yes, America is on drugs. And by the way, people do just as much coke as they ever did... they just don't share it anymore.And finally, is America over the hill? I hope not. But, Monday is the 4oth anniversary of Neil Armstrong setting foot on the moon and I can't think of any ambitious goal we've reached since then. It's sad when your peak was a moonwalk that occurred decades ago. So, America faces a choice-- we can go the Michael route, and keep living in debt and the world's affection for our early work, or we can get our shit together like Britney Spears, put on our circus costume, and go out there and show the world we still got it!
Thanks, Bill. You're an inspiration.
Ahh, but showing the world we still got it is gonna take some time, isn't it? Nobody changes overnight, and least of all the fat 'n' happy, those who are content to sit in a mess of their own making as long as they can get HBO and pizza delivery.
At least if they get HBO they can watch Bill Maher.
Tough change takes time. Belt tightening sucks, and is made even tougher when generation after generation of privileged, snotnosed adults BELIEVE they deserve whatever their income can afford, good of the country be damned. It seems a shame that people will only take the high road when marched at gunpoint.
Correction: TODAY'S people. Remember the Greatest Generation-- you know, your folks and grandfolks, the ones who who lived through World War I, the Depression and World War II? 
Now THAT generation knew how to 'do without'! Sadly, after surviving those events the unfortunate seed was sown in their minds-- the desire to make a life for their children that is better than their own.
Now THAT generation knew how to 'do without'! Sadly, after surviving those events the unfortunate seed was sown in their minds-- the desire to make a life for their children that is better than their own.Such a noble concept!
Such a magnanimous outpouring!
Such a screwed-up idea!
See where it's gotten us? The Greatest Generation has unknowingly sired a world full of people that could be tagged 'The Gropiest Generation'-- whose battle cry is "Gimmee gimmee gimmee more more more!" Truly a generation that is, as Bill Maher decried, fragile, overindulgent, childish, in debt, on drugs and over the hill. He thinks we can change them. He's fooling himself. We're not gonna change them-- we ARE them.
But our kids can. We can begin to raise them differently. We can have real expectations for our children; we can condition them to be tougher than us, wiser than us and, well, BETTER than us. You know, that might be where that kernel of desire went wrong-- it should have been the desire to make children that are better than ourselves! Wow! Can you imagine what a wonderful place we would be living in today if the forefathers had done THAT?
Okay, maybe it's too late for those of us here, now. But actually not, because if we start the plan now, those better babies will be running the place in 30 or 40 years, and many of us will still be here to reap the benefits.
And what is the plan of which I speak? Think twice before asking, dear reader... after all, you are here, reading the most positive of all blogs on the Webernets... 'Finding The Perfect World'!
Actually, I'll be covering the subject in my next post, Perfect World People: Making The Perfect Person. And that is the plan-- we begin to make perfect people.
How the fuck do you do that?
Language, LANGUAGE! There may be balloon people reading this blog, and could burst if exposed to prickly language. How we do it is, we scrap two long-established systems, rebuild 'em from the ground up, and use them on America's most precious resource--
Illegal aliens?
No! Shaddup! I'm talking about our children! Our progeny! The wee ones! Somebody get that wiseass out of here.
Security: I'm sorry... I can't. He's part of your own brain.
Oh.
Well, never mind. Just be quiet, you! And those two systems that we scrap are...
Checks and balances?
No.
Rights and wrongs?
No!
The old 'in out'?
NO! (BANG!) There, I've shot you dead. Now you can't say any more crap. Take him away.
Security: You killed him! Now I'm gonna have to put you under arrest.
How? You're also in my brain. I could kill you, too, and no one would be the wiser. I could have dead wiseasses stacked like cordwood in the deep recesses of my brain! Did you ever think of that, dick?
Security: I'll go away now...
Wise choice. What was I saying? Oh, right! And those two systems are... drumroll, please! (no drumroll) Ah, well... The education system, and the child-rearing system!
We have a child rearing system?
Hey! I thought I killed you!
Security: That's someone else.
Oh. (BANG!) No, we don't have a child-rearing system. But we will... and so much more. Read the next blog and you'll get all the details. It's not up yet, so you'll have to wait.
Umm, actually, that depends on when you're reading this. For all I know, you could be reading it in the far future, when Perfect World concept has firmly taken hold, and you live in a world garden of perfection where the biggest problem you face is deciding which fruit to have for breakfast! In that case, you not only have read it, but have implemented it as well. Congratulations. How did it work out? Wait, don't answer that... I want to be surprised.
It's gotten to the point that if I want to know what's REALLY happening in the United States of America... I have to listen to the BBC World News. Pathetic.
I want to ask the head honchos: What is so frightening about telling the truth to the general public? Are you afraid of panic in the streets if the whole truth were spilled? Or is your reasoning more selfish-- do you fear reprisal and retribution for your despicable acts which led to the present mess we're in?
Why do we have to get the real stuff from a comedian?
Well, that's the subject for yet ANOTHER post. Damn, this blog is keeping me busy!
Copyright 2009 Bruce Ian Friedman
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