A Freakin' Hilarious Spotlight!

essay

The other day I was watching Real Time, an admittedly liberal news discussion program. At the end of the program its host, Bill Maher, gave a closing speech (which he calls a 'rant') that really hit home for me and I reproduce it now, because it is THAT important.

Any comments I need to make I'll put [in parentheses, emboldened, in italics].

"... Greed is isn't good. In fact, it's the common thread that runs through all of the problems this country faces, from financial meltdown, to health care, to climate change.

Americans will do anything to each other for money.

Last week we found out that 18 American soldiers in Iraq were electrocuted in the shower because shoddy electrical work is cheaper. How can one American kill another American to save a little money on wire? Oh, I forgot, I'm sorry-- we're the greatest people in the world. Politicians always tell us we are... and that's how you know it's a lie. They say, "If only we had a government as good as the people." Unfortunately, we do.

[unless we get off our fat collective asses and do something about it!]

Now here in LA we've been having a little problem lately with hospitals dumping patients who don't have coverage on the street. On skid row. Who acts like this? Everybody doesn't act this way. This wouldn't happen in Sweden, because they're just not as obsessed with money. I can't imagine Abba putting out a record called 'Get Rich Or Die Trying'.

[oh, I can. They've run out of all other topics...]

I mean really, what is the health care system in America but insurance companies making money by fucking people out of health care coverage, even if it kills them? Which it does, at least 20,000 a year. And now Congress has taken the single-payer option off the table. Why? Because competition from the government might make corporations sad. We can't have that-- healthcare is the biggest industry we've got. We NEED sick people.

And the food companies are doing their part to help, oh yes. They put the time in the lab to find out just how much fat, sugar and salt to load into a Happy Meal to make it more like crack. Did you know that even our baby foods are up to one third sugar? Only America could develop comfort food for somebody who's already feeding off a tit. I mean, what kind of people hooks babies on sugar?

[ummm... greedy and stupid bastards?]

It's not a mystery why one in five four year olds is obese. Four year olds! The elephant in the room is your kid! Not only can't Johnny read, he can't see his dick! If Al Queda slipped something into our food that did that to us... well, we would torture some Arabs and keep on eating.

[painful but true]

Because we're not a good people. We musn't be, if prison population is any indication. We put more of our fellow citizens in prison than anywhere else in the world-- five times the rate of tolerant, benevolent... China. Because jailing people, like people's health, also turned out to be (really, when you think about it) a for-profit industry. I don't know how we didn't see it all those years.

When is enough ever enough in this country? Credit card companies that charge 35% interest? Ever wonder why you don't hear about loan sharks anymore? It's because what they did-- giving credit to unqualified people and charging them ridiculous rates-- we made that legal.

Like we made destroying the environment legal.We do it all to each other-- the killing and the keeping people sick and poor and in jail and destroying their habitats-- because a generation ago Ronald Reagan and Gordon Gekko said 'Greed Was Good'. Humans have always been greedy, but they never convinced themselves it was good.

[and THAT'S the point of this rant]

But hey, I could talk all night about the over-the-top materialism of the American people but I've got a plane to catch... for Vegas!"

A little back story-- Gordon Gekko is a fictional character played by actor Michael Douglas from the 1987 film Wall Street. Gekko has become a symbol for unrestrained greed because of his signature line: "Greed, for lack of a better word, is good."

This rant hit me particularly hard, because I'm in the middle of composing the speech I'd love the president to deliver, and Mr Maher spotlighted many of the topics I would like our commander in chief to touch upon. With his uniquely sarcastic approach, Bill Maher managed to point out America's flaws with laser precision. I can't say he gave us any concrete solutions, but that's not his job.

That's MY job.

And as the 'upcoming speechwriter for the President', I'll make it HIS job, too... and HE'S somebody who can do something about it.

I hope.

Copyright 2009 Bruce Ian Friedman