I Did It!

essay

Kudos! Cheers! Huzzah!

Yay!

I'm on the road at last! And only 12 days later than I had predicted-- that's gotta be some kind of a record for a procrastinating, planless dreamer.

I'm not going to lay any blame on anyone for my tardy departure (watch me). I shoulder the entire wad of blame myself. It didn't help, however, that each of my friends did their damnedest to get me to stay. Even my ex wife got in on the plan, agreeing to take a few mini-trips with me to make it SEEM like I was leaving, only to return back to the ranch, back to square one. Still my fault-- I wanted to go on these trips. Well, some of them, anyway.

Several friends offered me residence for ridiculously low sums of money. I thought it over carefully (one should never pass up cheap digs in Los Angeles without serious deliberation), but ultimately thanked them politely and refused. I'm darn serious about my desire to reshuffle my life, and now that I've started I know how difficult portions of it will be.

At precisely 3 o'clock p.m. today I got behind the wheel of my 2k Hyun (someone snapped off part of the logo) and five hours later I'm in downtown Ventura (after having found and settled into a very windy campsite 30 feet from the ocean) and I am alone. ALONE. I haven't been alone for such a long time that it feels a little creepy, like I'm somehow being punished for doing something wrong. I fear this will take some getting used to. I keep turning my travel companion to say 'check that out!' or 'should we stop for food?' and realize I'm speaking to an empty passenger seat. I realize I have to bear the enjoyment alone, or at least postpone the sharing until I upload this blog.

There's always the phone. I can chat with most folk for free in the evenings and on the weekends, as long as the cell phone's not in a 'roaming state of mind'. But I was never a big phone person-- I found the endless yakking hurt my ears, and I missed the visual effect of watching their faces as they speak. But thanks to the advent of mobile computing and Skype, I can get that, too. Though I miss being able to hug hello, to touch their arm as we share, and all the other face-to-face advantages. I guess unless I invent some kind of remote robo-person that reacts exactly as the distant wearer of a controlling suit does, I'm not going to be able to experience any warm and fuzzy touches with the folks back home.

Enter a new concept. I call it meeting new people, and it petrifies me. I've always been the kind who is introduced to new friends as opposed to meeting them on my own. Call it shy, but I can't face the rejection contained in a poor first meeting, and I fear I create all too many of those. Example: I see a face which looks amenable to interaction, and what's the first thing I say to them?

That's my point... I feel like I have nothing to say to them. Well, nothing which won't be construed as 'weird'. "Hi, I've been looking through this town for a friend. Are you it?" Ooh, it makes me cringe even to write it, but believe it or not, stupid shit like that seems to spill out of my mouth with frightening regularity. I can't believe I'm saying it, but maybe I need to take a class in interpersonal relationships.

Or maybe THIS TRIP is the class.

Yay to personal growth.