Maggie's Surprising Discovery

Perfect World story (The NOW) Maggie Larter chapter 1

"Majestic my ass," grumbled Maggie Larter, trudging alongside a lonely two lane road slicing in half the wide open mountain-ringed valley. Her destination was a hundred miles to her right, but there was no road going through the mountains-- only around them-- doubling the distance to Tess's.

Blazing bright sun at her back was made more bearable by the cool morning air, but the inconsolable thought that she'd be walking the rest of the way to her sister's place nagged at her. "Where are all the cars in Nebraska? I haven't seen one in hours! Shit... why couldn't Tess live in Malibu?"

Maggie puffed as the road rose, absently counting her breaths, wistfully pining her former life. Losing that solid paycheck was frightening, but she had to admit it felt great to divest herself of all that accumulated crap, sell everything and begin to work her muscles again. It was hard to believe, from the way her body was now complaining, that she once backpacked the entire Appalachian Trail. But the car was reposessed now and bus tickets were too pricey, so riding her thumb to her big sister's place was the only option left.

Hitchhiking was useless on an empty road. She consulted the map, pinpointing her current location. "Aha! There is a trail! Screw hitching!" she exclaimed, and took out a cell to alert her sister, but it was still dead. "Crap. Tess'll just have to find out when I show up on her doorstep." She plugged the phone back into her pack's solar panel and resumed walking, searching for the subtle trail marker that would cut a hundred miles off her journey, but add a hundred miles of tough hiking.

It was so quiet. There were no bird sounds, no insect sounds... just the crunch of her feet crushing the gravel. A lone cumulus cloud, puffy and proud, lolled its way eastward, the edge of its shadow missing Maggie by mere yards. "Thanks for nothing." She glanced at a rusted mile marker. "Is that 233 or 238? I think 238. Yeah, definitely 238. Should be close now," and checked her map again. The terrain seemed right, but there didn't seem to be a trailhead anywhere.

But the tall, rusty, quite possibly electrified fence which had been her companion for twenty miles now suddenly looked different, and she stopped to investigate. Normally there was a wooden post every nine paces. But here, two metal posts stood side by side no more than three inches apart. Thirty feet away was another set of metal posts.

"Why would this be like that? Is it a gate?" If it were a gate it wouldn't be electrified. She looked for hinges and saw none. Clenching her teeth, Maggie reached out a finger and plucked the wire like a guitar string. 200 volts of electricity did not pour into her lithe body. Now confident, she shook what must be a gate after all. It rattled but didn't budge.

"Huh! The map shows this area close to the trail head... this MUST be it!" She was about to try scaling the gate when she heard a noise; man-made, maybe a vehicle... but it wasn't coming from the road. It was coming from the far side of the fence... and getting closer!

Ducking into the tall grass, Maggie figured she must have tripped an alarm of some kind, then frowned. "Who would need an alarm, out here in the middle of nowhere? What needs alarming?"

The approaching sound was very close now. She could see the roof of a sports car rolling towards her.

Suddenly, the tall gate shrank and disappeared into the ground! The car, a coupe with blacked-out windows and deeply treaded knobby tires shot onto the highway, ignored Maggie and sped off. She hopped through and fell into the compound, moments before the gate snapped back up to full height, like a reverse guillotine. She got a good first look of the other side and was surprised to see that there was no road leading away from the gate-- not asphalt, not dirt, not even a grass trail. All she could see, all the way to the base of the mountain, was tall grass dotted with bushes and low trees.

But she could also see the path the car had taken in the form of bent and broken grass, and that seemed like the right way to go. Where had the vehicle come from? What was a passenger car with knobby treads and blacked out windows doing in a field with no path? Why hadn't they stopped for her? The answers, she figured, were at the end of the grassy trail.

She followed the bent grass. It led straight into a sheer mountain wall... and stopped! Tall bushes grew along the base, almost manufactured in their precision. Investigating, she saw something glittering on the ground-- a single metal band the width of her palm extending out of the wall and the way she had come-- it seemed like a railroad track.

She leaned down and touched the metal-- it was smooth, and bluish purple-- and judging by the way her necklace tugged toward it, magnetic as well. Magnetic?! How bizarre! But not even slightly as weird as what she discovered next.

For when she touched the shrub, it was obviously not real, but plastic! Moreover, it was attached to the solid rock wall, a wall which moved easily when she leaned on it! So easily in fact, that a twenty-foot section pivoted into the mountain... and she was suddenly staring at a circular tunnel with polished walls extending into the gloom!

Her jaw dropped. A hidden tunnel! Now she had even more questions! This was a large-scale production-- tunnels through mountains don't just grow! Curiosity won over caution and she decided to walk the tunnel.

There were no lights and she was glad she had a flexible solar panel on her pack. It had saved her a number of times; by charging her phone, camera, flashlight and radio, she had the device she needed, when she needed it. But, she thought glumly, you have to remember to plug the damn things in.

Fortunately, her torch was fully charged. As she walked she searched for clues as to why this tunnel existed. It was a huge undertaking-- how could the costs be justified for just an occasional car to pass through? It had to be several miles long, at least!

She walked dutifully. The tunnel had been a perfect cylinder for the last hour, but there was now a section of wall which had been polished flat with a word deeply hewn into it, which said simply:

HELL >>>>>>

pointing back. "Hmph. Apparently, I've just come from Hell, Nebraska."

She trained the torch beam across the tunnel. There was another sign there. It said:

ADEN >>>>>>

pointing ahead. "Aden, huh... wonder what that is?" Maggie envisioned a commune of hippies or an upscale fat farm. She hoped neither but could barely contain her curiosity, and began a jogging pace to reach the other end of the tunnel. It was long but at least it was level. She could jog a couple of miles with a pack on her back, but even after the point of exhaustion the other end seemed no closer. She collapsed, breathless, and took a long drink from her canteen. She wondered how long it actually was, and checked her map. "10 miles! Shit!"

There wasn't any light point in front of her that she could tell, but oddly, could still see one when she looked behind her. But there's no way it could still be visible after this long a walk, but it was. Actually, it was getting larger. Larger? Oh, crap. Now she could hear the sound she was hoping not to hear during her time in the tunnel, and that was the staccato beat of that knobby-tired car returning!

And at a pretty good clip, too-- Maggie could feel the rush of air as the car thrust through the tunnel, forcing it forward in a breeze. She pressed against the wall, hoping there was enough room so that she could live to see tomorrow.

The car rushed up, but then slammed on its brakes and came to a dead stop not three feet from her. She cracked an eyelid, grateful to be alive. The window opened and a woman said sweetly,"Are you lost, dear?"

Thinking quickly, she responded, "I'm heading towards Aden."

"Really? Hmm." The woman sounded unconvinced. "Well, this is certainly not the safest way to get there, dear. Maybe you should ride with me -- what do you say?"

Maggie hesitated for only a moment then said, "Thanks a lot! My name's Maggie, what's yours..." She trailed off when she looked in the window. Inside was a normal car, clean and comfortable... but minus a driver, or indeed, anyone at all!

The door unlocked. "Come on in, Maggie, and welcome to Aden. You may notice there's nobody in the vehicle. That's because this car drives itself."

Maggie blinked. "Really? A working ALV?"

"ALV?"

"Autonomous Land Vehicle. I was reading about them being tested at the DARPA challenge... Wait... WHO am I talking to, please?"

"Pick a name, honey."

"No, really... what's your name?"

"I don't have an official name. People call me whatever they want."

"Why would they do that? Weren't you given a name when you were born?"

"That's the rub, honey... I wasn't born." Her voice brightened. "However, I do have an initiation date!"

Maggie entered the car, intrigued. "Are you a... a robot?"

"A bodiless robot. I'm software, Maggie. A program. An app."

Stunned, Maggie gasped, "R-really? An honest-to-god interactive vocal processor?"

I'm more than that, dear... I basically run the place. I'll pick a name for you. You can call me K.I.T.T."

Maggie laughed, "K.I.T.T.? The Knight Rider car? Wasn't that a guy's voice?"

A perfect impression of K.I.T.T.'s voice said, "What of it? Can't a guy parade around like a girl if she wants to?"

Maggie snorted. "Hilarious! K.I.T.T., take me to Aden!" The wheels shrieked as it pulled an impressive 0-60 in 3.4 seconds, momentarily pressing Maggie into the seat. She was tickled by the odd experience of being a passenger in a driverless car. She watched the tunnel blur by; the computer's regular voice resumed. "Is this a business or pleasure visit, Maggie?"

She thought a moment. "Pleasure." She didn't want to let on yet that she'd stumbled upon the place accidently, so rode out the question carefully.

"Are you visiting somebody?"

"Err, no. I'd just heard so much about the place."

"Really? That's surprising!"

"Why is that?"

"Well, because nobody is supposed to know about it, Maggie, that's why."

Uh-oh. "True. The person I learned about it from swore me to secrecy. I told nobody I was coming here." Maggie hoped the computer wouldn't ask who told her.

The computer asked, "Who told you?"

Drat! "I can't say. Remember, I was sworn to secrecy. Say, can I call you Mrs Patel instead of K.I.T.T.? Your voice reminds me of my 4th grade schoolteacher from years ago."

"Hold on... is that Constance Patel, grade school teacher for Washington Elementary School in Elmhurst, New York?"

Maggie was shocked. "Yes! How did you know?"

"National database. And would you be the Maggie Larter from her 4th grade class of 1999?"

Maggie was stunned . "Holy henna! Yes!"

"Did you know you were her favorite student of all time?"

Maggie didn't realize that fact, and was immediately humbled. The computer continued, " I would be honored to be called Constance in honor of your teacher Mrs Patel. And... I'm sorry about your job... I know it was a dream profession for you. Don't worry. I have a feeling things will turn around for you, and soon. By the way, your sister Tess has been trying to reach you. Is your cell phone dead?"

"Oh, yeah... I plugged it into the solar cell, but I've been in this dark tunnel for... wait! How did you know about Tess?"

"Maggie... the Internet is a wonderful and yet intrusive thing. Don't worry... I'm one of the good guys-- um, I mean Interactive Vocal Processors. Tee hee. Here, plug your phone in." A door opened, revealing an impressive electronics service bay. Maggie rummaged through her pack, producing the phone and cord, and hooked it into the car. A dial tone hummed from the car speakers. "Dialing Tess."

Tess answered, sounding concerned. "Hello?"

"Hi sis!"

"Maggie! I've been worried about you! You shouldn't hitchhike-- I thought you were dead!"

The computer chimed in. "She's right, Maggie... there's a very high incidence of attack in young female hitchers."

"Shh!" For some reason she didn't want Tess to hear her with another 'person'.

"She can't hear me, Maggie-- noise canceling software."

Tess barked, "Don't shush me, little sister! It was irresponsible and foolish! I told you I'd send you a bus ticket."

"Sorry, sis. My phone died. Listen, I'm backpacking straight to you instead of hitching around the mountains. It'll take a little longer, I think.

"Well, I don't know which one I worry about more, Maggie... do you have pepper spray at least? Or a gun?"

Maggie laughed. "Tess! Since when do you promote gun violence?"

Tess sounded serious. "These are changing times, Mook. I don't want to see anything happen to you."

"Nothing will, Pook. I'll see you soon. Loves."

"Loves." Tess hung up. Maggie found herself misty. "Tissues in the glove box."

"Thanks, Constance." She frowned. "Hm. Constance? No, I think you're a Connie."

"Whatever you say... Mook." Maggie pursed her lips but Connie said, "Emerging from tunnel," and the cabin was flooded with bright daylight; all Maggie could see were spots until her eyes adjusted. Then they widened.

For what she saw spread out before her was unexpected and shocking. It was a large valley, completely ringed with mountains, and down on the valley floor was an ultramodern city! It had enormous skyscrapers and wide roadways, and was beautiful. Trees hid most of the buildings, and the air was sparkling clean.

Maggie slumped in her seat, wide-eyed. "So this is Aden..."

Connie replied, "This is Aden. Are you tired? Shall we get you a room?"

Maggie started. "A room? No, I don't think so... I'm on a budget, and this looks like a very expensive city... what was it called again? Aden? How come I've never heard of it?"

"It's kind of a secret city. And don't worry about the cost... I've got it covered. Which do you prefer-- near ground, or in the sky?"

"I can't accept that, Connie! I only meant to look over Aden and pass through on my way to Tess's."

"Well, if it'll make you feel better, I can arrange some work for a few hours and you can pay your way... would that be acceptable?"

"Like what, washing dishes in a cafeteria?"

"If you wish."

"What then?"

"How about working in your chosen field, astrophysics?"

"How would I get a job as an astrophysicist so quickly? It's like a six-interview occupation!"

"I could pull a few strings... I know the boss. But like I said, the room is on the house. You don't have to work for it."

"Are you kidding? If you have a position as an astrophysicist for me, I ain't leaving! Why do you think I'm going to my pushy older sister's house anyway? Do you think I miss being told to wash my hands?"

"Right. Of course. Well, up high or down low on the room?"

"Umm, up high, please."

"Hang on!" The car, which had been sitting at the tunnel entrance, suddenly made a wrenching, mechanical sound, followed by an breathy 'fwooop!', and then just lifted off the ground!

"What's going on!? Hey, we're dangling over trees! Connie!"

"Easy there. Check the display."

Maggie checked the dashboard viewscreen. The car was being photographed from a camera mounted above the tunnel entrance. She couldn't believe it-- the car was hanging from a hot air balloon!

"I've never seen anything like this before!"

"I hope not. We're all about innovation, here in Aden. Wait'll you see our corkscrew escalators and hundred floor aquavators! Oh, and the VeeStreak... talk about rapid transit!"

Maggie hung out of the window like a terrier as they floated over the modern city, ogling every beautiful inch. She could see no telephone poles, no billboards or parking signs. There was an inordinate amount of park and grassland, for a populous city. No trash, no empty lots, no junk in anyone's yard. Streets seemed to follow a starburst pattern, emanating from the center of town.

"Littering fines must be fierce here! Look at that... not a scrap of paper anywhere."

"We don't have any fines here."

"What do you do, then? Force people to clean using whip and chair?"

"First, we try to minimize rubbish at the source. That way, not much makes it onto the grounds. Outdoor robotic organizers put what little trash they find where it belongs."

"Robotic organizers?"

"Think of them as Roombas for the grass."

"Oh. Makes sense."

A tremendous building loomed. The gas-fired balloon bled out, lowering the car gently onto an outstretched platform midway down the building's exterior wall, which served as a bustling transit center. "Put this around your neck before you leave the vehicle." The glovebox opened and Maggie pulled out a badge on a necklace.

"What's this for?"

"So we can keep in touch. The city is confusing at first. I'm like your instant tour guide whenever you need me."

"Thanks, Connie." Maggie exited the car, which was automatically retracting the hot air balloon into a compartment in the rear.

"Follow the green arrows on the floor to your room." Maggie heard the computer in her ear, but couldn't find a speaker. She saw the lit green shape and walked toward it, which faded, only to be replaced with another one a few feet ahead. She continued in this manner through myriad wide and well lit passageways; up a bizarre contraption called a corkscrew escalator which took her terrifyingly up twenty three floors on a twisting open stair tread. Finally she approached a residence doorway with the name 'Larter' over the bell.

"How did you put my name on there so fast?"

Connie said, "The last tenant was also a Larter."

"You're lying."

"Yes I am. Go on... it's your place for as long as you stay in Aden. Take a shower, grab some food, take a nap... let me know when you want to hit Astrophysicia."

"Astro-fizz-eesha?"

"The clever name the nerds gave to the lab."

"You call them nerds? That doesn't seem, well, very computerlike."

"It's not, but they insist on it. Love it, in fact. They even make nerd nameplates to hand out at their parties that are tape-repaired glasses with sparkly names glued onto the frame. SO tacky!"

"They have parties?"

"The BEST. The last one was on a dirigible. A rocket propelled dirigible. Nobody got hurt. Much. Omigod!"

"Okay, now you sound like a valley girl." Maggie was amused but the shower and food sounded too good. "I'll talk to you when I'm done, Connie."

"I'm sure you'll need to talk to me before that."

Maggie went inside. The room was large and decorated in her favorite style, 50's, with odd, angular furniture and an oversized, overstuffed bed. The walls were deeply mortared rock, creating strong shadows.

Across from the front door was a wall of glass overlooking the skyscraper's hollow center. Natural light poured in from above and below, and a lattice of walkways connected one side to the other, floor to floor, top to bottom. Remembering the mountain's rock wall, Maggie walked over to the window and pressed against it; sure enough, it pivoted open onto an extended balcony and she stepped out.

There were many other people milling about; some were jogging, others walking as couples or with children. Most wore simple, comfortable clothing with no advertising or product placement, and, she was surprised to see, everyone seemed fit, as opposed to the rest of the health-challenged country.

Back inside, she found the bathroom. The sink and commode looked strange but usable, but the shower had no controls or nozzles-- instead, there was just a computer screen at eye level. It activated when she entered the stall, and offered her a selection of shower settings-- standard or sonic? She chose standard. Water temp? A temperature gauge displayed the various settings from 'icy' to 'scalding' and she chose 'comfortable'. Spray style- standard, needle, pulse, throb, stimulate... she was hoping 'chop', 'mix' and 'puree' weren't on the list, and they weren't. She waited for the water to start, but more choices came up. Soap styles, conditioner hold duration, HTRA (hard-to-reach-assist), floor foot massager, personal scrubber... she was getting impatient and passed over all of them... all but one- the 'environment' choice. When it displayed the word 'waterfall', she smiled and pressed the 'go' button.

It was as if the ceiling had opened up and dropped a deluge of water-- she was almost driven to the floor and could barely get her hand up to press the 'hold' button. The water cut off with a snap.

"Holy Hannah!" she exclaimed, and reviewed the other choices-- 'hurricane', 'ocean surf', 'water park'-- no, no, and no. 'Gentle rain'-- yes.

The shower was heaven. When she finally finished, the environmentalist in her was shocked she'd spent almost an hour in there!

There were no towels, but the shower also had a 'dry' function and swirled a warm breeze around and infrared light baked into her glowing skin, and in a moment she was dry and toasty warm. She walked into the main room naked, and the window darkened modestly.

Maggie could find no refrigerator, no stove or kitchen. "You were right, Connie. I figured out the shower, eventually, but I don't know how to feed myself."

"You can tell me, or use the wall Pad, or the table Pad, or the Pad next to the bed, or even the Pad in the shower."

"Speaking of the shower, I hope I didn't overuse my share of water-- there were a couple of settings in there I hadn't seen before."

"Let me see. You had a 59 minute shower, including some time spent under a waterfall-- which means you used exactly 4 ounces of water."

Maggie laughed. "No, really."

"No. Really. Actually, the same water passed over you about 247 times."

"What do you mean?"

"The showers are closed systems. There are no drains or water supply. A hundred gallons of water is loaded into each shower on the first day of operation. During use, the water is nanofiltered, reheated and then pumped back up to the spray units. You could shower for a solid year and not use any additional water, except for what is replaced through evaporation."

"Nanofiltered?"

"Water molecules are tiny. Dirt, soap and other contaminants are immense by comparison. The filter catches everything but lets the water through. Then the filter is dumped and the sludge is separated back into its individual parts, for disposal or re-use. We don't dispose of much."

"I should be disgusted but I bet it works perfectly, doesn't it?"

"Actually... close, yes. It works as well as our central food kitchens do. There is very little wasted food in any of the city living complexes, because of how carefully we inventory our foodstuffs and monitor the population's meal requests. Supply and demand are closely matched. What goes uneaten gets turned into animal feed or other products. Now what would you like to eat?"

"Oh. Some fruit, yogurt and granola will do."

"You know, I read that you came in first place at a bratwurst-eating contest... seven years running! Are you sure I couldn't interest you in a plate of brats and sauerkraut?"

Maggie's mouth watered. "You devil! Make it so!"

(like the Star Trek computer) "Wor-king..."

Maggie laughed. "You don't miss a trick! Who programmed you?"

"You did."

"Yeah, right. I can't program my VCR without a user's manual and two assistants."

"I mean, your answers to my questions helps create an interactive profile I refer to when speaking only to you. I do this with every member of Aden. I'm as dull as dishwater to some people-- they prefer their computers strictly business."

Maggie allowed the concept to sink in, that this computer software communicates with every member of the city, constantly. "Connie, how many people live in Aden right now?"

"Including you, five hundred sixty four thousand, three hundred twenty nine... oh! Now thirty! Tara Sellers just delivered a healthy 9 pound boy!"

"And you speak to all of them?"

"When needed, yes."

"What else do you do here?"

"I'm a big sorting device. I just analyze the information and pass it along to the appropriate sub-software. Think of me like a gofer... with punchlines. For example, say your door is stuck. You tell me, and I pass the information along to Maintenance Software, who contacts the closest person who is up for repair assignment. Often it's a neighbor. If tools are needed then the software contacts the Tool Depot, who arranges to have a tool kit delivered to your apartment. Usually the repair is complete in under an hour, and that's from the moment I hear about it. At each step the software files a report, and I organize the reports to pick out snafus and increase future efficiency."

"So there is nobody who only fixes doors?"

"Oh, yes. There are some people who prefer to specialize. Others have several talents under their belt and can be called on a variety of problems. Most people in Aden are listed with at least four talents which can be shared with the city. So far you are listed as an astrophysicist and as a Bratwurst eating champion... as more talents are unearthed, they go on your list. The current leader has three hundred twelve talents."

Maggie's mouth dropped open. "How... who...?"

"Granted, many of them are not terribly useful. He can talk really fast, for example, and can stand on his hands. But if Aden has an immediate need for a fast-talking handstander I can supply him in a heartbeat. Oh, and your food is here."

Maggie glanced around. "Where?"

"In the delivery box. That's where most of your needs will be met. Oversized items will be personally delivered. Over there on the wall. Press the blinking button."

A section of the wall Maggie had assumed was a small message board opened up to reveal a small chamber the size of a microwave oven; inside was a steaming plate of bratwurst with sauerkraut, small jars of mustard, pickles, relish and other sides, and a tall frosty mug of beer. "Wow! Are you reading my mind, too?"

"Yes. Didn't I tell you that part?"

"Really?!"

"Not really. 87% of bratwurst orders are accompanied by beer... it was an easy guess."

"I guess." She slurped the beer and dispatched the food with alarming efficiency. The computer said, "Okay, now I have a question."

Her mouth stuffed with food, Maggie muffled, "Shoot."

"As I watch the way you eat, I have to ask: How is it you weigh only one oh eight? Shouldn't you be enormous?"

Maggie swallowed the last of her food with a smack and said, "Three reasons. One, I have an impossibly high metabolic rate. Two, I'm very physically active, and three... I usually eat only once a day." She dried her lips with the provided linen napkin and said, " And sometimes, I worry myself thin, like I've been doing recently."

"Life out there in Hell... can be hell. Spend a little time, here, Maggie... you're our kind of people... and we may be your kind of city, too."

Maggie nodded absently. "About this job, Connie... I was laid off from my other lab, as you know. They missed out-- I was close to proposing a new type of telescope that can see impossibly far, because it shortcuts through time using a magmatic plasma filter. If I'm right, we'll be able to watch the Big Bang, and maybe see what came before it."

"Current scientific thought states that the Big Bang was the beginning of everything."

"Yeah... I tossed that thought because it makes no sense. I don't think there are any beginnings or endings in the universe. Just cycles. But my old lab had no budget for this project, and since the project was me, they had no money for me either."

There are no budget restrictions here in Aden, Maggie... and we live for scientific discovery."

Maggie smiled broadly. 'In that case, Connie... I need to see Astrophysicia, like, now!"

Copyright 2009 Bruce Ian Friedman

The Last Episode of "30 Days" (part 2)

Perfect World story (The NOW)

(continued from the post 'The Last Episode of Morgan Spurlock's 30 Days')

Day 2

Spurlock (vo): After Joe has settled into his new surroundings, he's ready to give back to the city with his first day of work. He takes another laser arc shower, asks the computer for breakfast, then attempts to find his way to his job in the city garden. After a few failed turns where he somehow ended up in the machinery repair complex, he gives up and calls out for assistance. Immediately the green arrow appears, pointing the right way. A moment later, he emerges outdoors, and walks up to the first person he sees, an attractive young woman with long chestnut brown hair.

Joe: Hi! I'm Joe, and I'm here to work.

Vienne: Hi Joe! I'm Vienne. Just ask the computer... that's what we all do.

Joe: Thanks, Vienne! Say, where are you from?

Vienne: Originally... New York City.

Joe: Me too! Why did you move here?

Vienne: (smiles coyly) You'll see!

They speak for awhile and agree to meet later. She pulls him closer and he's not sure what she's doing when she reaches down his shirt, but she grabs his ID chip, pulls it out and presses it to hers.

Vienne: Now the computer will know who you're talking about!

Computer: I already knew, Vienne.

Vienne: (giggling) I know, I know. But Joe didn't know you knew!

Spurlock (vo): She walks off and Joe admires her athletic form in that skin-tight, alluringly translucent tunic. Then he shakes his head, and asks the computer where he's supposed to be. The computer directs him to his place in the garden complex and he realizes it's much more a farm than a garden. It is a swath of land a mile long nestled between his hi-rise and another in the distance, set up in perfectly straight rows.

His job is to plant tomato seeds, but there is no back-bending required. He is directed to an enormous garage which houses all the farming machinery. He climbs into a compact sower, which begins moving once he's seated. It loads itself from the seed bank and arrives at the starting location. He then watches the console as the machine plants and waters a thousand seeds a minute, making sure there are no machinery jams or other problems.

Three hours later he is finished, having begun the lives of a couple of hundred thousand tomato plants. He returns the machine to the maintenance garage and asks the computer what's next on his agenda.

Computer: You're done for the day, Joe. Go meet Vienne. She's waiting for you.

Joe: Hubba-hubba!

Computer: I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that, Joe.

Joe again follows the arrow into his mega-scraper. He ends up at a restaurant on the 98th floor, where Vienne is waiting.

Joe: (surprised) Oh! Hi! I'm still amazed how smoothly this all works. How did you know to be here?

Vienne: I had the computer set it up... I figured you'd be hungry after work.

Joe: Yup... amazed. So, do we wait for servers, or eat food directly out of a trough?

Vienne: (giggles) Just say what you want, Joe!

Joe: I should know better already! A sandwich, computer. Surprise me.

Vienne: And I'll have a salad... and a Porterhouse, rare.

Computer: ETA 6 minutes for the Porterhouse. ETA 2 minutes for the pastrami and cottage cheese on banana bread sandwich.

Joe: I hope you're joking, computer. Porterhouse, huh? Wow. What job did you have this morning... warding off cossacks?

Vienne: (giggles) I'm a girl who likes her meat, what can I say?

Joe: Where do you put it all? You're a tiny wisp of a thing!

Vienne: I'll show you. Computer, transfer the meals to my place. Let's go, Joe.

Spurlock (vo): And with that Joe learns about another wonderful feature of Aden-- the flawless hookup. Joe emerges from her quarters several hours later, shaky but smiling, and the green arrow appears at the floor to direct him home, where he collapses in exhaustion. Later he rises and asks the computer what's next. He seems to have forgotten completely about television.

Computer: Would you like to write a book?

Joe: What? Why would you ask that?

Computer: One of your earlier tests revealed you have a gift for description. I'm willing to bet that you haven't experienced anything like Aden before.

Joe: No, I have not. But... doesn't that take a ton of, oh I don't know... writing?

Computer: Not necessarily, Joe. If you pick a topic and discuss it with me, I can organize your comments into a rough draft which you can edit orally. I can keep listening throughout your day and pick up any interesting commentary you might utter. If you wanted, I could give it an erotic slant. Your time in Vienne's home alone is enough to begin a new genre. I'd be blushing right now... if I had cheeks.

Joe: Well... it HAD been awhile, and she is a lovely and alluring woman. And very bendy!

Computer: I'm not surprised, Joe... she is a champion gymnast, after all.

Spurlock (vo): Joe is excited about the prospect of writing a book. He didn't realize it but that was something he'd been wanting to do for a long time. He began to recite as he headed over to another unique Aden feature-- the indoor rapids.

On the roof of his mega-scraper there is a water park. A dozen olympic-sized swimming pools are scattered between waterfalls, fountains, hot tubs and slides, and a stream. The rooftop itself is indistinguishable from nature, boasting grass, trees and rolling hills. People are scattered about, sunning their perfect nude bodies while laying on foam rocks in the shape of lounge chairs.

Joe eases into the stream, being pulled along in the current, until it drops off the roof's edge in a steep waterfall! Joe screams as he is launched into the void beside a hundred story building, certain of his impending death. But he had not counted on the protruding chute several stories below, which caught him and every drop of stream water. Then the real ride begins.

Looking every bit like nature, the rapids shoot through a long, twisting rock canyon with overhanging foliage that in reality winds around and through the enormous skyscraper, past offices and gymnasiums, restaurants and residences, dropping over 1ooo feet in the course of a three mile, ten minute, bracing adventure. At first he just screams his head off, but as the chute continues he calms, and begins to voice his impressions of Aden so far...

Joe: ... And then the food just pops up, poof! (reaches the end and crashes into the foam barrier, ass-over-elbows) Woooooooooo! Did you get all that, computer?

Computer: ...O-o-o-o exclamation point. Got it. Care to go again? Take the Aquavator to your left.

Spurlock (vo): Joe heads over to one of a series of 3 foot wide clear tubes that stretch up and out of sight, and steps into one. The door seals and water rushes in from below.

Joe: Whoa!

Computer: It's salt water-- very buoyant, Joe. Just relax and enjoy the ride.

Spurlock (vo): Rapidly the tube fills and Joe, bobbing like a cork at the waterline, is shot upwards so quickly that the floors blur by. He briefly wonders if he reaches the roof at that speed how high above the building he would shoot before arcing back down and plummeting to his death; he guessed double the height of the megascraper. But it was not meant to be, as the water obediently slowed to a crawl in the last few feet and stopped right at the tube's edge, spilling nary a drop. He hopped out and was back in the rapids, this time trying it in an inner tube.

After his third and final ride back up the Aquavator Joe could stand no more, so laid on one of the foam rock lounge chairs for a sunny snooze. He could barely feel it when the chair changed shape and flipped him to prevent sunburn.

Day 6

Spurlock (vo): Joe has gotten accustomed to his schedule. He works every other day for a few hours, which is more work than is required of him but much less than he's used to and which will afford him a tidy paycheck at the end of his stay. The rest of his time is taken up in the pursuit of his new passion-- learning everything he can about Aden, and trying as much of it on as possible.

He's just heard about how differently the children here learn their lessons and wants to see for himself. He heads to a podschool on the 63rd floor. It is slightly reminiscent of the school he went to-- it had a hall, anyway. But the doors! There were hundreds of doors in this hallway, each with a small light above it, red or green. Most were red.

Computer: Go into a door under a green light, Joe.

Joe: What's in the rooms with red lights?

Computer: Students.

Joe: Well, can't I go in with other students?

Computer: Not really... there would be no room. These are one-person compartments, Joe. Just enough room for the student, and me. Here's one-- get in.

Joe: (enters and closes the door. It's like a movie preview booth, only more interactive) Now what?

Computer: What subject would you like to learn?

Joe: You seem to know me pretty well. What would you suggest?

Computer: I'm flattered. How about bookmaking?

Joe: (surprised) You have gambling here?

Computer: (patiently) You're writing a book. You can also make the book-- the pages, the cover. The whole package.

Joe; Ohhh! Book- MAKING. Okay, let's do it.

Spurlock (vo): The computer screen glows and Joe begins an interactive lesson on how to make an attractive book. When he has the basics down the computer guides him to another booth with a craft station where he can actually construct a book. It is a larger room and has a live instructor to provide hands-on assistance.

Joe: Hi, I'm Joe. Are you a full-time teacher?

Thelo: I'm Thelo, and I'm full time as much as anyone else here. I got the call to come help you with bookmaking so I dropped by. I spend a lot of time on stage, because I'm also a busy actor.

Joe: I'm sorry I didn't recognize you.

Thelo: (laughs) You probably wouldn't. I only act here in Aden, for Adeners, live on stage.

Joe: Did you leave in the middle of a performance?

Thelo: In the middle of a sentence! (laughs) Nah, just kidding! I was in another part of the podschool teaching Asian cuisine to a seven-year-old girl.

Joe: A seven year old? Could she follow the complexity?

Thelo: Yeah. Most kids finish college before puberty, so they can spend those insane teenage years boinking until their parts are raw. I know I did.

Joe: How is that even possible?

Thelo: A dedicated effort with 8 or 10 partners a day is enough to make even elephant's skin tender.

Joe: No! Err, I was talking about the schooling, Thelo. How can you cram that much learning into someone so young?

Thelo: (laughs) Oh! Well, we don't learn like you Outers do. School is different. Classes are custom tailored to the specific talents of each student, so they don't struggle learning topics which will hold no interest to them throughout life.

Joe: (jealously) Where were you while I was failing precalc?!

Thelo: (shuddering) I HATE math. All I can do is add and subtract, and divide.

Joe: You can't multiply?

Thelo: I don't have any kids that I KNOW of! (roars with laughter)

Joe: (groaning) I can't believe I fell for that... you have bad jokes here in Aden, too?

Thelo: I TEACH the class!

Spurlock (vo): In short order Joe has put together an attractive, leather bound edition of his book;Now all it needed were the words.

Day 12

Joe has thoroughly studied his entire building enclave and would like to visit other parts of the city. The computer displays a full city map, which shocked Joe with its size.

Joe: I've spent almost 2 weeks on just 2 PERCENT of the city?

Computer: We've been busy building... what can I say? You're not the only arrival to Aden, Joe. Over a thousand people a week move here permanently.

Joe: (amazed) How do they find out about Aden? It's not on any map, nor is it mentioned anywhere in public scrutiny! Even your trades with the outside world are handled through dummy corporations with no ties to Aden!

Computer: I gotta tell ya, it's so rad how we do it!

Joe: (incredulously) Did you just say 'It's so rad'?

Computer: You're still surprised by me, Joe?

Joe: Oh, I guess not. So HOW do they find out?

Computer: We wrote a book and put it on the Outers' bookstores and libraries, and advertised it so that only certain types of people would find it.

Joe: What kind of people?

Computer: Smart, flexible. Nonreligious. Anyway, those who did read the book were left with an itch to find the city, which sounds more real than imagined as it's described in the book. Most of the people who arrive here aren't even certain it exists until they see it with their own eyes. Remember 'Close Encounters Of The Third Kind'?

Joe: Wow! Double wow! So these people just give up their former lives to come here?

Computer: Happily. Normally, new Adeners just tell people they're 'moving to Cowpieville' or someplace undesirable like that, and we come get them and their stuff late one evening.

Joe: What about their finances and debts... what happens to those?

Computer: They are free to keep their finances, or invest it with me. My current interest rate is 14%.

Joe: Wow. I can't even get 14 hundredths with my bank.

Computer: Most new Adeners don't come here with any debts... remember, I said we look for smart people. Many use their own funds to pay for their vacations and extra-city jaunts-- they don't touch a cent in city coffers because they realize what a benefit living here is and see no reason to take advantage.

Joe: Why nonreligious?

Computer: Why Joe, we're a fact-based society! There's no place here for people with 'beliefs' that have no basis in reality. People like that are responsible for injustice and wars, whenever they believe that your actions are not acceptable to them. They are implacable and narrow minded-- diametrically opposed to your average Adener. And don't get me started on Born-Agains...

Spurlock (vo): After getting a mouthful from the computer Joe begins to see how important it is to shelter Aden from the viciousness of 'Outers' who aren't with the program. He realizes that this 'Perfect World' called Aden needs to be inhabited with people who are 'perfect' for this 'world'.

Joe: Computer, I think I know which direction I want this book to go.

Computer: Joe, I'm proud of you.

Joe: Now, off to parts unknown!

Computer: Follow my...

Joe: ...Little green arrow, yes I know, my dear.

Spurlock (vo): Joe took a skycab to learn the rest of the city. He found out that his mega-scraper was one of six and was each home to between 20 and 40 thousand people; that there were 48 at-or-beneath ground enclaves, each which housed about 2 thousand people; and that at least 30 thousand people wanted to live the old fashioned way, in standard houses on standard roads, all which encircle and lead to Aden. He saw most of the land used for farming or recreation, all carefully planned and sculpted. He even saw the VeeStreak airless maglev train that darted back and forth between the towers and around the entire valley at ridiculous speeds. It's a modern metropolis, built in and for the 21st century.

Joe set down in another mega-scraper just for comparison, and was amazed to learn he was in an entirely different environment. He found out it was primarily a science building and was where most of Aden's fantastic new products were developed. Scientists had a different work ethic and spent most of their waking hours in the lab, so each had a large apartment with a door leading right into work. Their families were no longer science widows because they were always just a few yards away.

Joe marveled at the building's modern lines, its high tech features and its high-speed corkscrew escalators that mimicked the straight up-and-down action of an elevator, but without doors. The other megascrapers were similarly tasked; there was one exclusively dedicated to families and education; another attracted artists of every endeavor; still another cared for the elderly.

Joe: Computer, what is my building tasked for?

Computer: Horny singles.

Joe: It all makes sense now.

DAY 20

Spurlock (vo): Exploring the city has become a full-time adventure for Joe. He hasn't been back to his apartment for days, so the computer has been finding sleeping arrangements for him wherever he is when it's time for bed. He is even keeping up with work, as the computer finds appropriate employment wherever he is. He spent half a day restocking art supplies for the painters in one megascraper. A few days later he worked the cafeteria for a podschool in another. Today he wants to meet Adeners who live the more traditional existence of single family home life. He stops at a random home on the outskirts of Aden and knocks on the door. A nine-year-old girl answers.

Joe: Hi, I'm Joe! Can I talk to your parents?

Girl: I'm Phoebe. Come in. Mom-- he's here!

Joe: (surprised) You knew I was coming?

Phoebe: Shirley told me.

Joe: Who's Shirley?

Woman: (coming around corner) Shirley is the name Phoebe gave to the computer. Hi, Joe. I'm Phoebe's mother Djareel. (she hugs him and kisses his cheek. She is a stunning woman in her early 30's)

Joe: (a little unnerved) Oh! Uh, um... hi?

Djareel: (laughs) Come, let's take the tour! It's a small home but there are some special features I think you'll want to see!

Spurlock (vo): Djareel shows Joe the ultramodern private home she shares with her two kids and their father. It features movable walls which can be shuffled into hundreds of configurations. The house was a combination of active and passive solar design and drew very little power off the city grid. An extendable robotic arm on a track in the ceiling could move about the house and clean, cook, organize and even shuffle the walls. All recyclables were organized and processed for reuse. Even the waste line drained into a chemical plant that produced high-grade chemicals and soil enrichment products.

But Joe's favorite part of the house was the downstairs. He thought he was being shown a finished basement, and he was, but beyond that funroom was a doorway that led to the city's clever public transportation system. Completely underground, it wasn't a street, it wasn't a railway-- but kind of a combination of the two. Ultralight vehicles were stationed by every home and hooked into a magnetic floor guide system that pulls the car to any destination using an isolated electromagnetic pulse; spaced pulses guarantee no cars ever collide. The underground system was vast, leading to every building in the city.

Joe: This is absolutely amazing! You can get anywhere in the city without going outside!

Djareel: VERY convenient on those chilly or wet days.

Joe: What about leaving the city... or taking a nice drive on a beautiful spring day... how do you accomplish that?

Djareel: The city's motor pool, of course. Check out a vehicle and return it whenever.

Joe: Of course... silly me. But how do you leave Aden? There are no roads that connect to the rest of the USA!

Djareel: That's not entirely true, Joe. There is one road here that pokes through a mountain... on the other side it becomes a magnetic road that hooks to the rest of the nation on the business side of a rusty gate.

Joe: Darned clever of you.

Djareel: Let's take a ride, Joe!

Joe: Sure! But... what about your daughter?

Djareel: Shirley will watch over her. Phoebe is in the middle of podschool anyway.

Joe: She's home-schooled?

Djareel: No such thing here, Joe. She's at home today only because she has a cold. Podschool information is available at any console... only physical learning like art or music need be done at the school proper. Where would you like to go?

Joe: I've seen just about everything Aden except those underground towns. How about those?

Djareel: Ooh, fun! Let's do it!

Spurlock (vo): Djareel and Joe step into an Ultralight Vehicle (ULV); a wheeled, carbon nanotube cast structure that weighs barely more than a bicycle. A word to the computer and they're off, tugged along on the polished floor by a strong magnetic pulse bonding to the ULV's receiver plate. The tunnel was wide and low, well lit and well used-- they pass hundreds of other ULV's at a brisk 60 mph. Occasional panoramic windows remind them of the beauty in Aden valley. They arrive in five minutes; the tunnel widens and the ULV parks itself in the station room.

The underground towns are mostly manufacturing plants and the workers' surrounding dwellings. The 'blue collar' crowd is especially fond of the Mardi Gras lifestyle, and between shifts attend many events of a party nature. Joe and Djareel arrive just in time for an event called a 'Water Dance'. The music is pulsing and loud as they enter.

Djareel: (shouting) Take off your clothes!

Joe: (shouting) What?

Djareel: For the water dance! They'll get all wet otherwise. If you're shy, put this on.

Joe: (confused) Is this a thong? Which side is in front?

Djareel: (giggles) That goes on your head.

Joe: Oh. (looking around sheepishly) Change right here?

Djareel: Shirley, we have a shy one!

Computer: Joe, step back 2 paces!

Joe: (does it, and a shade drops in front of him) Thanks, SHIRLEY!

Computer: (smartly) I can see your ass!

Joe steps out, modeling the same second skin translucent tunic as Djareel.

Djareel: (wolf whistles) Sexy! Let's go!

They head towards the music. An expansive room is enshrouded in mist and smoke. Darting lights pierce the gloom. The floor is writhing with dancers, many nude, some wearing tunics. Platforms like flat mushrooms are scattered about, and more people are crowded onto them, embracing, interlocking, at one with the evening. Joe stares, wide-eyed.

Joe: (slowly) Djareel... did you know this was going to be happening here now?

Djareel: Didn't you? I thought that's why you wanted to come here!

Joe: Aren't you married? I usually respect other people's marriage bonds.

Djareel: (looking confused) O-kay... did you want to ask my husband? He's right there.

Joe: (looking where she gestures) That guy? The one kissing two women simultaneously?

Djareel: To the left of them.

Joe: (incredulous) Your husband is the Sumo wrestler on top of that large BBW?

Djareel: No. He's the one BENEATH.

Joe: (peering harder) Oh. OH MY! Is he gonna be all right?

Djareel: He has a crushing fetish, and as you can see I don't have the proper mass. Fengi and Luanna there are his answer. He'll be fine... in a couple of days.

Joe: Yes, I can see that you do NOT, and thank goodness for that. By the way, have I mentioned how fantastic you look in that tunic?

Djareel: It's body paint... but thank you. Ummm, Joe, you seem to be pitching a bit of a tent.

Joe: How do I get out of this fricken' tunic?!

Day 30

Spurlock (in Aden): It's been a month of firsts for Joe Thwacker, and the month is finally over. Has he been convinced that this new society, this experimental city called Aden, is better than his life as a pusher of products for a huge conglomerate back in the Big Apple?

(approaches Joe's apartment, knocks)

This will be an interesting interview-- Joe's primary goal back in New York was always to save enough money each year for a blowout vacation. I wonder where he plans on going this year?

(knocks again, louder)

I hear they keep people busy in Aden. I bet he's crashed out in there, asleep to the world!

Computer: What's your name, honey?

Spurlock: (looks around, bewildered) Who said that? Where are you? What's going on?

Computer: Tut, tut... me first! What's your name?

Spurlock: Morgan... I'm Morgan Spurlock from 30 Days. Where ARE you?

Computer: Hello, Morgan! I'm all over. What can I do for you?

Spurlock: What...?

Computer: I can see you're a little confused. Let me help. Are you looking for Joe?

Spurlock: Yes... what do you mean, 'all over'?

Computer: I'm everywhere at once. Joe's not home.

Spurlock: Everywhere at once... oh, I get it! You're on speaker! You're calling from Aden security, right? Umm... not here? He was supposed to be here!

Computer: Sort of... I AM on speaker, that much is true. Joe left a message. But Aden has no Security, really. Just me.

Spurlock: (sarcastically) What message, Supergirl? THAT'S Aden's secret, right? Krypton is real and you're faster than a speeding curling iron?

Computer: How CLEVER, Morgan! I can see why they chose you as host! Umm, Joe's not going to go back with you.

Spurlock: (to director) Cut. CUT! What's going on here, Jay? I thought you had arranged all this ahead of time?

Bluemke: Sorry, Morgan. I talked to that chick on the phone and she told me it was okay to bring the crew down.

Spurlock: What chick?

Bluemke: THAT one... the one on speaker-- I recognize her voice.

Computer: Oh, right... I remember! Jay Bluemke the director, right?

Bluemke: Uhh... (uncomfortable look to Spurlock) yeah, that's right, honey. What's going on here? We're burning daylight, fer crissake!

Computer: All will be explained momentarily, gentlemen. If you'll follow me...?

Spurlock: Follow WHO? Where ARE you?

Computer: Oops, I mean, follow the little green arrow on the floor. We're not going far.

Spurlock: (exasperated) Phhh! I can't believe this. Well, let's go... (singsong) and follow the bouncing arrow, boys.

Computer: We're almost there. "The men round the corner and open a pair of double doors, then rub their eyes in astonishment..."

Spurlock: (cutting her off) Hey, lady, what the hell are you doing?

Computer: The audience has to have a narration, or they won't know what happens next. And you're about to become very busy.

Spurlock: Whaddaya mean, what happens next? What happens next?

Computer: THIS! "Looking past the doorway they see a beautiful sight-- an adult playground filled with beautiful women, who rush towards them with squeals of delight, surrounding and swarming them inside, stripping them down, dressing them in tunics and guiding each to their own cozy area to be pampered and caressed."

Spurlock: (panicked) Wait, wait, wait, wait! I can't do this... I'm getting married!

Computer: "It took a moment before Morgan realized the most beautiful of the women stroking him was, in fact, his fiancé Alexandra."

Alex: It's okay, honey. Close your eyes and enjoy this."

Spurlock: ALEX?!? What are you doing here?

Alex: Moving... and so are you! This place is great!

Computer: "The doors close behind them, cementing the fates of the '30 Days' crew to Aden, forever. Spurlock resists at first... for about an hour, before he yields to the inevitable temptations of the city. Eventually he settles on an occupation he's always wanted to try-- men's hairstyling.

Joe, now safe to remain, emerges from hiding and finishes his book, called 'Working Yourself To Life', which chronicles his eye-opening journey to happiness. He's forgotten about his job, his apartment and his money... but I haven't. I'm watching it all for him, as I do for everyone in Aden, and as I will for YOU when you get here.

What are you waiting for?"

Copyright 2009 Bruce Ian Friedman